A Loss of Momentum...

The momentum of January, the New Year, and of starting my Blog and Website has been eclipsed these first two weeks of February by emotions too raw and near the surface for a writer such as myself to overcome. So, I've kept away from my computer, shelved my book and outlines for others, and my poetry (until today) for a little while. First, there is the sadness of losing my uncle on the first of February, Mother's only brother, and then seeing Mom grasp the inevitability of her own mortality. Her longevity (now 88) is amazing, and with the loss of Bud she is acutely aware of how little time she may have left here. For me, it is very hard to think about that.

Other clouds have been looming over my writer's pen, too... A friend with breast cancer and impending surgery; a dear friend's brother who faces cancer, just when the two retired siblings were beginning to enjoy the benefits of retirement and trips together to exotic places in the wake of having cared for an aging father; another friend's courage as she supports her sister-in-law whose husband is in the final stages of hospice care after his long struggle with cancer; and, added to her sadness, Emily tends her mother and father as his illness leaves him more and more a shadow of the man he had been... Then, too, we learned at the beginning of the month that Ollie, my four-year-old spaniel has lymphoma. She began chemotherapy last week. Her playful sweet disposition is already altered, and it makes my heart so very sad...

I needed to return to writing, though, before I found that I couldn't do it any more. Before I lost the love of it. In order to re-begin I've shared what is hurting me so very much right now. I hope all this pain will make me stronger, that it will give me empathy and understanding from which to create good stories, real stories about real people (and animals!) with real emotions.

For now, Ray and I send prayers to our friends, and we strive to make each day with Ollie a happy one for her. She has given much happiness to us.

Through tears, I remain,

Ellen